Trust is the motor base of any relationship, but to reach it we must get rid of illusory interpretations that do nothing but harm our partner, and ourselves. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, today’s protagonists are JEALOUSY.
Let’s do a test. Imagine that you just got home and you find your partner’s mobile on the dining room table. Doesn’t stop receiving messages. Whose will they be? Doubt eats you up inside.
Out of the corner of your eye you see the name of a man or woman appear that is not yours, that you do not know. What would you do? Would you have the courage to pick up the phone and see your partner’s messages without their permission?
If your answer is yes, friend, we have a problem to solve. This is called jealousy, and it is something that we must avoid as soon as they imply some minimal negative aspect for the relationship.
At the moment in which you have decided to “gossip” the mobile of the person with whom you have decided to share your life, you have shown how little trust you have in him/her. And, as we have said in the same subtitle of this article, trust is vital to be able to keep any relationship minimally alive.
Some of you will say that it is normal, that you are so in love with that person that you could not bear to see someone other than you. That, without a doubt, is no longer love.
Experts affirm that “jealousy is considered a normal feeling if it occurs moderately and occasionally, since it is part of the emotional development of human beings” (Marta Guerri, 2013). It is evident that there are times when we “demand” our partner to be the centre of attention; It is something that children do continuously with their respective parents… It is normal, then, that when we believe that we are not sufficiently cared for, we need to “prod” in some way to regain that leading role in the relationship.
Now, the line between wanting your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife to do what you think you deserve and not wanting them to see anyone else and only have time for you is very fine, since this last premise is already be a clear example of jealousy necessary to deal with.
If at any time you have felt that your partner did not have the right to have their own space, but that they should only live by and for you, let me tell you that anyone who asks will be told to stay away from you, that it is not, much less than a healthy relationship.
Why? Because in reality, behind all this demand and toxicity, there is a big problem of insecurity and self-esteem and, on some specific occasions, a psychological disorder.
In each of our articles you will be able to observe how we continually reiterate that in order to love another person and have a healthy relationship, you must first love yourself, and be satisfied and aware of what you live with and are.
Sara Beneyto Pérez, a clinical psychologist and hypnotherapist, calls “ruminative thoughts” those thoughts “that take us from an initial assumption, which we are not sure is true, to other assumptions that end in a negative interpretation” . As we have said, then, we are the ones who create these illusions that we end up believing despite the non-existence of evidence to prove our assumption.
Related to this premise, going one step further, we could refer to what is called “celotypia”, which the blog defines as “a psychopathology that has a false idea as its central axis, without any logical argument. These people develop feelings of jealousy so intense that they are the center of their lives. They engage in actions such as restricting the freedom of movement and thought of the other person, following them, investigating them and even assaulting them” .
If they really loved the other person, none of these ideas could ever be conceived. These people, without a doubt, need to be treated.
What we want to convey through these words is that, as human beings, as much as we want to be with someone, we must be clear that each of us deserves to have our own personal space; a space in which we do not explain to anyone what we do, who we see and, much less, we have to justify why we think one way or another.
This is addressed to you, reader… You cannot live constantly in fear that your partner will one day find someone better than you, someone prettier, someone more intelligent… The only thing you will achieve is that the person you love ends up moving away from you.
And in the event that it happens, as painful as it may be, you can only think one thing: “He / She loses it” . Because remember, above all things, that you are worth and you are much more than enough. You are excellent.